Coming home...August 18th

Well its official. August 18th is the day I return home from a two year service in New Windsor. I still have mixed emotions about it. On one hand, when I get home things have changed in a major way. On the other, I need to be in a place I don't have to think about a lot of the things I see around here that I am not to happy about. Hell, lets face it. I haven't been happy in a long time. Not just around here, but pretty much my whole surroundings in my life. I think of my age 29. At 29 most people have some sort of major responsibility that makes their life worth living. At this point, I haven't found anything that I would die for. And I don't mean marriage and kids and all. It could be anything from getting a career job, to church, to the people around me. But that's half of what I feel. My father told me to take to positive in everything I do. Lets look at the positive that had gone on since summer 2007:

- The first thing that comes to mind is at 27, I finally get a chance to leave home for a while, something I haven't experienced yet. Not only do I get a chance to leave, but I get to experience life across the country, which is something that I always wanted to do. And thanks to BVS, I was able to do just that

- I have never worked at a place more than a year and a half. I now had been working in the IS department at the Brethren Service Center for two years now.

- I am in a better position financially than I was year before I left. I learned what it means to save money for a change and will carry on to when I finish up BVS and go into a better job.

- I was able to meet a lot of different people from all over the country. All kinds of people. From younger adults to older adults. I was able learn from people that made a big difference in my life. To me this was a big deal because I am a people person and for me to hang out with people who I now consider my east coast family is something special, and it makes it more comfortable for me to be here an a little town called New Windsor.

- I had fun working with all kinds of IT technology, with the Dell PC's and laptops. That is what made my work enjoyable.

- I got a chance to go to Washington, DC a few times since it is only 1 1/2 hours to 2 hours away from New Windsor. I also got a chance to to to Elgin, Illinois twice. Elgin reminds me of Modesto because of the way the town looks.

- I got a chance to live in an area where it snows during the winter and the beginning part of spring. I come from a place where it never snows. To actually see snow and walk all over snow is a bit different from what I was use to.

Those are some of the positives that I had experience since I left California to come to Maryland. Now I am going to talk about the positive things that I will take when I return for three weeks or so:

- I get a chance to meet and visit my two new nieces, Kali and Lillian. I also get a chance to see my older niece Priscilla once again. I got to see her before I left. She will be bigger and older when I see her again.

- Visiting my church family. Some of them still remembered that I left to the east coast and kept in touch with me, which makes me feel good.

- Going to see my Grandmother is number one when I get home.

- Going to my favorite movie theatre again.

With all the positive things that I am going to do when I get home, there is always going to be that "things done changed" going on in my head. There are going to be things that remind me that I may be the same guy, but others have changed. Now I can say that right now, and no one is going to convince me other wise because they don't see what I see. I see something completely different than everyone else. However I do believe in one thing: I am going to change a lot of things that are going on in MY life. And that is what I need to do. Don't focus on what things have changed as far as everyone around me, but to change things for myself and don't give a dam what people think about that. And if I can do that there is no more excuses for myself. I should think of this as coming home is for me, and what I got to do. Not for what others have or what they are doing. I am going to see some folks and some of them I hope want to see me, but this trip isn't to spend every moment going everywhere and seeing everyone I can, because I am not to spend every minute doing that. This is to focus on my future and prepare myself for trying to find something to die for. Trying to find some sort of happiness so I can move on and achieve my goals that I want to. I am just counting the days to my return.....